Chapter 16: Twas the Night Before....

Twas the night before CyberKnife

And all through my brain

I kept thinking to  myself

"Hope that's not another train."

I hope you all are ready to continue reading, because I have a need to write!

Early last week, I had yet another CT scan; this one specific to my upcoming cyberknife treatments.  The radiology oncologist, Dr. W, said that this particular machine can take tighter slices and makes it easier to pinpoint the areas in need of treatment.   She asked me to not take my pain pill before I came in for that scan; that's a tough order for me because I pretty much am non-ambulatory until I get some pain meds in me for the day.  But I did it because I want to get the most out of this process as is possible.

When I got in the room with the CT machine, they helped me get up on the table, and then she started poking me in the back telling me to let her know when she "hit the spot" where the pain was the worst.  Well, you may have heard me holler wherever you are when she hit it.  She then preceded to mark up my back with little sticky arrows to make sure she could see the area in the CT results, before finally loading me into "the tube" and taking the scan.  I was crying by the time I left there.  I had a pain pill in my pocket and took it as soon as I was out of the room (with her blessing).  

I've tried to go without pain meds a few times, but it's ludicrous.  I'm not addicted to them, but i definitely rely on the relief I get from them.  I'm keenly aware of the big opioid problem in our country, and sometimes have to justify my use of them to friends and family.  The doctors both explain it like this:  If you have pain in your body, then your nerves will send out pain receptors.  If you have the pain receptors present in your body, that's where the drugs focus their attention.  It is when you take the drugs and you don't have those pain receptors active in your body, then the drug focuses on your pleasure receptors.  That's what causes the addiction.  Sometimes I am overly careful about not taking the meds because I fear all the bad press and have had fear of addiction, but my doctors and main support team stress to me that it is important to stay ahead of the pain.  If I wait until I'm fully engulfed in pain, then I have to spend a couple of days in bed.  If I take a pill once a day or once every 2 days, or 2 a day or whatever I need, my life is much more comfortable.  And yes, I've tried non-opioid pain meds but I end up taking 3 times as many and don't get the same relief.  

My immuno and anti-seizure meds tend to make me very tired.  I've been trying to walk more and more each day (cane assisted) and have gone out with the family to shop and whatever, frequently sitting in the car while mom and Connie go in.  I just need to get out of the house.  I'm also no longer in need of a daily nap (although one might argue that my bedtime is actually most people's nap time).  I'm a big sleeper now, and relish going to bed at a painfully early hour.

The hope is, when my cyberknife treatments are done and it has a chance to work (which sometimes can take a week or two before the full benefit is realized), then I'll be able to come back to work.   I don't anticipate being able to work full days sitting at a desk

Note: Treatment scheduled shifted by one day.  Starting tomorrow (Thursday November 9) instead of Wednesday, the 10th).  Just means I'll have to carry the sessions into next week to complete the full course  of 3-5 treatments.